


Eventually Seattle

by deathbycoldopen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drunk Sex, M/M, Mutual Pining, Online Friendship, in which Cas and Dean are total idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-02-19 11:57:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2387450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathbycoldopen/pseuds/deathbycoldopen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Long distance relationships can be hard.  Especially when they aren't even really relationships.</p><p>Or, how Dean and Cas are idiots about the nature of their relationship, and it takes a happy accident to bring them together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eventually Seattle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [imogenbynight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imogenbynight/gifts).



> Happy Birthday to my amazing, wonderful Cass. I'm so glad we weren't as dumb as these two idiots <3

Dean kicked the door to the motel room closed, wincing at the ominous creak it made as it slammed.  Of all the motels he’d stayed in over the years, this one was definitely on the most decrepit end of the spectrum- the colonies of mold growing blatantly all over the walls probably had a fully functioning government at this point, and Dean could see each and every spring in the mattress, all of them waiting eagerly to stab him in the back.  He might have been better off just spending the night in the car- but then again, the free wifi was just too tempting.  Anything was better than having to get back in the car and drive for two hours just to find a Starbucks three towns over.

He toed off his shoes and pulled his aging laptop out of his bag eagerly.  It took for fucking ever to start up, telling him for at least ten minutes that it would be “just a moment.”  He ignored the browser in favor of opening Skype- anyone he would want to talk to from the Moondor forum he already had as a contact, and anyone else would just be irritating.  He tapped his fingers impatiently as the chat window loads far too slowly.

The green checkmark next to Castiel’s name sent his heart pounding hard against his ribcage.

> **Dean:**
> 
> remind me never to try to drive from New York to Indiana in one go ever again
> 
> The pencil appeared next to Cas’ icon almost immediately.
> 
> **Cas:**
> 
> Hello Dean.
> 
> What’s in Indiana?
> 
> **Dean:**
> 
> a buddy of mine said there’s a construction site that needs more workers and they don’t mind hiring off the books
> 
> hopefully that’s still true when I get there tomorrow
> 
> fuck if I want to keep driving tho
> 
> **Cas:**
> 
> Then don’t.
> 
> **Dean:**
> 
> yeah, and then I can stay in the middle of nowhere in a shitty motel for as long as possible
> 
> really savor my time here
> 
> **Cas:**
> 
> That’s not what I meant.
> 
> **Dean:**
> 
> yeah I know what you meant

Dean paused, his fingers hovering over the keyboard.  He wished he could see Cas’ face rather than trying to read him through the unemotional text sitting flatly on the screen.

> **Dean:**
> 
> it’s just my life though
> 
> it’s how it’s always been so I don’t see why
> 
> I’m not about to settle down, that's not how I do things
> 
> **Cas:**
> 
> It's alright Dean, I understand.
> 
> I suppose that was a little of the pot calling the kettle black.
> 
> **Dean:**
> 
> don't worry about it
> 
> how is the family anyway, still shitty?
> 
> **Cas:**
> 
> As usual.Naomi's rearranged the company so that now I have three departments working under me rather than just two, and none of them are in any way efficient.I think it's her way of punishing me after what I said at the last family dinner.
> 
> **Dean:**
> 
> pls tell me you told her to fuck off
> 
> **Cas:**
> 
> Nothing that extreme, unfortunately.I just mentioned that it might be a good idea if we donated to a charity that helps working class people actually afford the drugs we're selling.The idea didn't go over very well.
> 
> **Dean:**
> 
> ouch
> 
> **Cas:**
> 
> Charlie volunteered to "give them what's coming to them" when I told her.At least she's learned enough to know that she shouldn't actually tell me what accounts she's planning to hack.
> 
> **Dean:**
> 
> she should, the girl's a genius
> 
> wait, did she tell you about it some other time?

Dean settled back in his chair, laughing at Cas' dry account of the last time Charlie trusted him with one of her schemes.Something ached inside his ribcage, a vague longing to not just read Cas' words but to hear them, see his smile, hear him laugh.But still, even in this disgusting motel room with nobody to break up the loneliness building around him like a prison cell, even so Dean couldn't think of a time when he'd been happier than when he spent time with the best friend he'd had in his life.The best friend who he'd never even met outside of the tiny chat window glowing on his computer screen.

***

Cas shifted in his seat impatiently, glancing at the clock every few seconds to see if ten minutes had passed yet (they hadn't) and back at his computer to check if the icon next to Dean's name had turned green yet (it hadn't).He grabbed his phone again and read the text message again- _just got in, be online in ten_ \- and checked the time again.Three minutes since Dean texted him.

He jumped when the front door slammed and he heard the clatter of someone moving around in the front hall.He lifted his feet off the coffee table so that Charlie could barge past him and plop down on the couch.

"Ugh," she said into the cushion.

"Bad day?" Cas said, not looking up from his laptop.

"Ugh," she said again.

"Something to do with your LARP game," Castiel guessed.At that, she peeled her face off the couch to look at him with raised eyebrows.

"How'd you guess?" she asked.

Cas shrugged."Usually when it's work related you call me to complain the second you get off," he said."If it's the commute then you go home and have a drink while watching Star Wars.When it's Moondor though, you come here."

Charlie sat up more fully."Wow, I'm impressed.And now that you mention it, it _was_ something to do with Moondor, and those goddamn Yesteryear assholes who decided that they were too good to be our allies and started spying on us for the Shadow Orcs.I swear, if Sakaror the Honorable ruins this battle for us, I'm gonna-"

She kept talking, something about leading an offensive that Cas couldn't really follow, but he was distracted anyway by a few words that appeared on his screen.

> **Dean:**
> 
> your mom's on tv trying to sell me a drug to help my arthritis

Cas grinned, something easing inside him that he'd never even noticed was tensed.Dean had that effect, lightening the air until it felt like he could breathe again.Even just a random observation was enough to make him feel like he was floating.

> **Cas:**
> 
> You don't have arthritis.
> 
> **Dean:**
> 
> your mom is doing a good job of selling this to me anyway
> 
> **Cas:**
> 
> One of Naomi's many gifts.

"What are you grinning about?"

Cas jumped- in the scant minutes since Dean had come online, he'd forgotten that Charlie was there and complaining about LARPing drama.

"Nothing," he said, a little too quickly."Uh, Dean."

Charlie raised her eyebrows and he hoped to god that wasn't a blush he could feel heating his cheeks, because he was fairly sure he wouldn't be able to withstand the amount of teasing that Charlie was capable of.

"I see," she said, leaning back against the couch again.She looked him over critically; he tried not to squirm under her gaze.Charlie sometimes scared him a little."Well, tell him his queen says hey, and that he better come to the meetup at DragonCon this year."

Cas breathed a silent sigh of relief and began to type.

"Also, while you're at it you should mention the raging hard-on you have for him."

Cas' fingers spasmed against the keyboard so that he accidentally pressed enter on a message that was more nonsense than anything.

> **Cas:**
> 
> Charlie says hheahlegka;wkk
> 
> **Dean:**
> 
> ...
> 
> tell Charlie I said asdlkjg;dkhjjhj to her too
> 
> **Cas:**
> 
> Apologies, I meant to say that she says "hey" and that she would like you to attend DragonCon this year.

He looked up at Charlie as he finished typing, feeling his face positively burning with the force of his blush."It's not like that," he informed her."Dean and I are friends, that's all."

Charlie rolled her eyes and scooted closer to him, glancing at his computer to read over his shoulder before he realized what was happening.He hastily minimized the window, but not before the damage was done.

"'I've never told anyone about that before,'" she quoted from their chat last night.Castiel was struck with a fierce desire to run away, hide in a cave until the storm that was Charlie Bradbury had passed."Dude, your crush is so big that Starfleet classified it as an M class planet."

  
"I don't know what that means," Cas muttered."And I told you, we're just friends.I don't have a crush on him- I don't even know what he looks like, how could I have a crush?"

"Oh, don't worry about that," Charlie said, waving a hand dismissively."I told you, when I met him at the state-wide tournament, he was so hot that _I_ was almost attracted to him.Plus, it doesn't matter what he looks like, because you're sentimental enough that you'll fall in love with someone for who they are on the inside anyway, instead of being superficial like the rest of us."

"I am not in love with Dean!" Cas protested again."I- I admire and respect him for everything that he's done for his brother under very difficult circumstances, all the things he's sacrificed so that Sam could get into Stanford and live a good life, and I find it amazing that he has such a deep capacity for love and affection when he's been through so much.And yes, I enjoy talking to him, but only because he has a very unique and irreverent perspective that I find refreshing, but that doesn't mean-"

A block of text appearing on his screen distracted him from his rant.He read it automatically, feeling his heart start to pound unevenly.

> **Dean:**
> 
> oh hey, I forgot to mention
> 
> Sam's spring break is starting up soon, so I was gonna swing by Stanford and show him how to party like a real kid instead of some nerdy shut-in.Maybe once I've worn out my welcome I'll swing by SoCal and give you an education in Clint Eastwood movies ;)

"Holy shit," Cas said.

Charlie frowned, looking almost concerned."What?What did he say?"

Cas swallowed, reading the message over again."He said he might come visit."

"What!" Charlie said, leaning forward to read the message."Holy lederhosen, batman, that took him long enough.What's the point in being a wandering vagrant if he doesn't visit his friends?"

"'Maybe,'" Cas read again."He said 'maybe' he'll swing by, what does that mean?"

Charlie shrugged."It means he's an indecisive asshole," she said, apparently unconcerned by the fact.

"It sounds like he's just joking," Cas said, rereading the message for the fifth time."He's not serious, he's just joking.Dean likes to say this kind of stuff all the time, but he doesn't mean it.It's a joke- right?"

Charlie was watching him with something that looked uncomfortably like pity."Pretty sure he's serious, Cas."

"How do you know?" he asked, feeling slightly panicked.

Charlie just sighed and patted his arm, muttering something that sounded an awful lot like, "You are so totally gone on this guy."

Castiel elected to ignore it.

***

"So what exactly did he say to that?" Benny asked in his usual disinterested drawl.He didn't seem too affected by the alcohol they'd been steadily consuming all night; but then again, Dean had gone through a couple of scotch and sodas before Benny even got here, so maybe that had something to do with it.It was all a little fuzzy, really.

Dean made a face into his beer."He said 'Yeah, maybe.'Who the fuck says that when you say you're gonna visit?'M telling you Benny, Cas' weird."

Benny hummed in placating agreement and kept quiet.It was what Dean usually liked about Benny, that he was quiet unless there was something that needed to be said, but right now it meant that Dean was left more or less alone with his thoughts.Which, needless to say, was not a good thing.

"I mean," Dean continued, knowing he should probably shut up about this but not really caring."I bet it was just him being polite, right?If he actually wanted me to visit he would've been more excited 'bout it.He hates me, that's what this is."

Benny raised his eyebrows."Right," he murmured."That's why he keeps talking to your dumbass all the time."

Dean waved a hand dismissively."Okay, fine, he doesn't hate me, but he sure as hell doesn't wanna _meet_ me.He doesn't even know what I look like, for all he knows I could be a creepy flasher dude who's gonna take him into a back alley to kill him."He winced, thinking about the picture Charlie sent him back when he and Cas first started talking- a tall, dark-haired man with blue eyes and a soft smile with his arm around the exuberant Charlie, which Charlie had captioned with _Helpful and dreamy_.Cas had now idea what he looked like, but he was the creeper with a picture that he may or may not keep in his wallet, and that he may or may not take out occasionally to memorize his best friend's features.

He chugged the rest of his beer and gestured for another."Hell, he'd be right about that," he said. 

Benny blinked, clearly having lost the thread of the conversation."Right about what?"

"Cas shouldn't want to meet me, I'm a drifter with an arrest record as long as my arm," Dean said, gesturing expansively and nearly knocking Benny's beer over."Why the hell would he want to see me anyway?I'm nothing."

"Maybe you oughta just ask him flat out," Benny said with a pointed look."You been agonizin' over what he meant, so I'm thinkin' it'd be a good idea to find out."

Dean nearly choked as he took a big gulp of beer."What are you crazy?" he sputtered."I can't just come out and _ask_ him, jesus dude."

"Just a suggestion, brother," Benny said, shrugging."Some friendly advice."

"Yeah well, don't," Dean said."I'm done talking about this, alright?Done."

It took him the space of half a beer to get back on the topic.

"Cas probably has a girlfriend anyway," Dean said morosely.

Benny sighed- he'd probably thought he was out of the woods, the asshole.He was supposed to be Dean's friend, supporting him through all this crap, not making dumb comments and being a general little shit."And what does that have to do with you visitin' him?" he asked, his voice resigned.

"I mean, Cas is amazing, so of course he has a girlfriend," Dean grumbled."Did you know he wants to be a doctor?He wants to help people, for real, like go to third-word countries and treat them for ebola and tuberculosis and shit, he's a goddamn saint about it. _And_ he wants to move to Seattle and, and- I don't know, what do people even do in Seattle?- but the point is, his family is so utterly fucked up that he has to stay in LA."

"Why doesn't he just leave?" Benny asked.He didn't sound particularly interested.Dean plowed on anyway.

" _Because_ ," Dean said, drawing out the word to show just how much of an idiot Benny was being."Because his family is shitty, that's what I said.They've got him working for their pharmaceutical company or whatever and scamming people for drugs that don't do anything and he hates it 'cause he's a saint, like I said, and he wants to help people but his family is filled with assholes.But the point is-" and here Dean paused to take another long sip- "the point is that Cas is amazing, jesus he's so amazing Benny."

"I'll take your word for it."

Dean buried his face in his hands."Fuck, I'm so fucking screwed," he muttered.

"Yes you are."

"Benny, what do I do?What the fuck should I do, I can't fucking just- just ask Cas out on a date when I'm gonna be gone the next day, he deserves more than that, but god I wish I could just-What the fuck should I do?"

Benny sighed and turned his head to look Dean squarely in the eye."Dean, quite bein' an idiot and ask the guy out," he said firmly.

Dean stared, his mouth falling open."Holy shit," he said."Holy shit, Benny, you're a genius.I should just-"He fumbled with his phone, trying to bring up his contact list with alcohol-numbed fingers.After his thumb slipped for the tenth time, he slammed the phone on the bar instead."Fuck, that's a terrible idea," he said, glaring at his friend."What the hell, dude, could you at least give me a little sympathy?"

Benny grinned."Nope," he said.

A few minutes later, Dean stood outside the bar, shivering in the early spring air and listening to the phone ring with his heart in his throat.God, Benny was an asshole for suggesting this.

"Hello?"

Dean's powers of speech left him completely at the sound of that rough, deep voice.He may have squeaked a little, he wasn't entirely sure.

"Hello?Dean, is that you?"

Maybe he should've waited to call Cas for the first time when he wasn't drunk.

"Hey, Cas, hey- uh, hi," Dean stammered."Hey, um."

Cas' voice was warm when he answered."Hello Dean.It's good to hear your voice."

"Um," Dean said eloquently."Yeah, you too.Uh."

They were both silent for a moment, Dean too paralyzed to think of anything to say.Was there a reason he'd called?He couldn't think of it, not when he could hear Cas' breath in his ear.

"So what prompted the call after a whole month of just texting?" Cas asked wryly.

"Ah," Dean said, swallowing."I might be a little drunk."

"I see."Cas sounded amused.It was amazing, he could hear the exact tone of his voice, all the subtleties that the flatness of text concealed."Well, I suppose I'm flattered to be drunk dialed by you as well."

Dean laughed."Yeah dude, of course," he said."You're- I mean, you're my best friend, of course I'd call, I, um- fuck, words."

Cas chuckled, and Dean felt warm all over."You really are drunk," Cas observed.

"Yup," Dean said."What are you doing?"

There was a pause."Looking at medical schools in Seattle," Cas admitted after a moment."Even though I can't go."

"Dude, that's not- that's not true, you can do anything you want," Dean said."Fuck your family, you know?Just do what you want."

Cas sighed, a loud rushing sound through the phone."I wish it was that simple," he said."But maybe... eventually Seattle."

Dean burst out laughing."'Eventually Seattle?'That sounds like a bad romcom, holy shit."

"Dos it?" Cas said, chuckling again.Dean's head was spinning from the sound.He felt like he was floating, or flying, or something like that- happy, that was what it felt like.

"Dude, I am so taking you out to dinner when I visit," Dean blurted.His brain caught up with his mouth a few seconds later, sending his heart into overdrive.Holy shit holy shit holyfuckingshit he just asked Cas out, shit shit shit-

"Definitely," Cas said lightly.

The world tilted a little on its axis."Yeah?" Dean breathed- and then the implication of "definitely" hit him.

Fuck.Cas thought it was just a friend thing.

"Sounds like fun," Cas said, completely unaware that Dean was spiraling into despair on the other end of the line."Let me know when you're planning on coming and I'll clear my schedule."

"Yeah," Dean said numbly.

There was a clatter, and Cas cursed."Dean, I'm sorry, but I have to go now," he said reluctantly."I've got company coming over, and it sounds like they're here."

"Oh, right," Dean said."Uh.Yeah, go ahead, I'll talk to you later- yeah."

"Goodnight Dean."

"Night, Cas," Dean said, and the line went dead.

He was so totally screwed.

***

Cas stirred his soup without eating any, watching the cream swirl into the broth until the whole bowl was full of homogenous muck.

"Cas."

He looked up to find Charlie looking at him in exasperation."Yes, sorry," he said, trying to bring his attention back to their conversation.Which, now that he was thinking about it, he'd lost the thread of before their food had even arrived.

Charlie sighed."Are you alright, dude?You seem a little... distracted."She hesitated, then leaned in closer like she was about to discuss state secrets."Is it family stuff?"

"No," Cas said."Well, yes, always, but..."He rubbed his face."Dean called me last night."

Charlie raised an eyebrow."And?"

"And you were right.I... have a crush on him."

"AHA!" Charlie shouted, so loudly that half the restaurant turned to look at her.She grimaced apologetically at all them, then turned a slightly manic grin back to Cas."I knew it, you're totally head over heels for him, aren't you."

He glared at her."I said I have a crush, not that I- never mind.The point is, he's going to take me out to dinner."

Charlie opened her mouth, maybe to give another loud exclamation, but she reconsidered when their waited glanced over at them disapprovingly."Cas that's awesome!" she said instead, slapping him on the shoulder a little harder than necessary.She paused, taking a good look at his face."Wait, it's not awesome?Why are you so mopey?"

He sighed."He didn't ask me out to dinner, he just said that we're going," he said."He said that I'm his best friend, and then he said we're going to dinner when he comes."

Charlie's mouth formed a silent "oh."She chewed on her lip, watching him."You're sure that's what he meant, then?" she asked after a moment."I mean, it's not like he said specifically 'Let's go to dinner as friends, my dudebro manly man friend' right?"

"Of course he didn't say that," Cas said.

She waved her hand."Metaphor, dude," she said."The point is, you don't know that he meant just as friends, right?"

"I'm pretty sure that's what he meant," Cas said, but hope bloomed in his chest anyway.Charlie's boundless optimism was rather infectious.

"Why don't you just ask him?" she pointed out."Worst case scenario, he says no and you guys go out as friends, which is what you're assuming right now anyway."

Cas frowned at her."No, worst case scenario is that he feels awkward about it and never speaks to me again," he said."Look, it's fine, it's not even like we know each other all that well anyway."

"Bullshit, you talk almost 24/7."

"I don't even know what he looks like," Cas reminded her.

"Well, that's your fault for deciding against video chat," she said smugly.Ten a light flared in her eyes and she grabbed her computer bag from by her feet."Besides, there's an easy way to remedy that."

Cas swallowed."Charlie, wait, what are you doing-"

"Relax," she said, rolling her eyes."I'm just going to look him up on Facebook, alright?That way you can see for yourself what a hottie he is and stop pussyfooting around about this."She opened her computer as she talked, typing in Dean's name casually like she wasn't about to stalk him on Cas' behalf."What's his last name again?"

"Winchester," Cas said despite himself.She gave him a look that he couldn't interpret and finished typing it in.After a moment of scrolling, she grinned in triumph and turned her computer screen toward him.

"Feast your eyes, young padawan, on the beauty of Dean Winchester," she said.

Cas' heart leapt.The man in the profile picture was beyond handsome, he was _radient_.Charlie was right about his physical appeal- but Cas could see beyond it too, something gentle in his eyes, teasing in his smile- loving in the way he had his arm wrapped around the girl standing next to him.

Cas could feel his heart, his entire soul sinking when he saw it.The overly familiar way Dean had his arm wrapped around the girl, the same girl featured in picture after picture on his page, leading to the final nail on Cas' grave- the picture of Dean and the girl kissing at a carnival.They looked so happy together.

Numbly, Cas clicked back to Dean's main page, and there it was, the words the only thing that Cas could take in on the entire page. _Dean Winchester is in a relationship with Lisa Braeden._

Cas just barely stopped himself from shoving the computer onto Charlie's lap, but it was a close one.Instead, he gently turned it back to her, wishing that this wouldn't hurt as much as it did."It's not a date," he said quietly, and excused himself from the table.

***

Dean stood at the foot of what looked like marble steps leading up to what Dean could only describe as a mansion, gaping like a goddamn fish.He looked down at the phone in his hand yet again- yup, this was the right address, except no fucking way was this the right address, because this was a fucking _estate_.Yeah, he'd known that Cas was rich- or at least, his family was- but he'd never really considered exactly what that would mean until right now.And right now, he was faced with the towering, pristine white facade of a house that seemed to be watching him with disgust, like he was a speck of dirt marring its perfect surface.

No way someone this rich would want to be seen within a twenty foot radius of him.

He was halfway back down the street, practically fleeing back to his car with a litany of curses pounding through his head when his phone buzzed in his hand.He slowed a little to read it.

> **Cas:**
> 
> By the way, Charlie came over.She's refusing to leave until you show up.

Dean laughed, some of the tension easing away.Charlie was cool.Charlie was safe, familiar, even though they'd only met twice in real life- but twice was better than none, and he could manage to man up for her sake.For god's sake, it's not like he was a twelve year old boy about to talk to his crush.Well, he wasn't twelve anyway.

His finger was pressing into the button of the doorbell before he could talk himself out of it.

The apparently infinite space of time between the doorbell ringing and footsteps echoing behind the foreboding walls nearly sent Dean into cardiac arrest; but even worse was the smooth glide of the door on its hinges, and the bright blue eyes of the man opening it.

Jesus fucking christ.

Seeing Cas in real life was such a far cry from looking at a tiny pixelated picture of him that it was practically in another galaxy.Dean felt his breath escape him in a whoosh and run off to god knows where, so that he was left speechless in the presence of what had to be a god because no mere mortal could ever look that _goddamn hot_.

It was only after a few heart-pounding moments of silence that Dean realized that Cas hadn't said anything yet either.In fact, Cas was gaping at him with pretty much the same expression Dean imagined was on his own face.Dean swallowed and licked his lips, and holy shit did Cas' eyes just flicker down to track the movement?

Cas broke their staring contest first."Hello Dean," he said quietly, the tiniest hint of a smile passing over his face.

Dean found one spreading across his own face to match."Hey Cas," he said.

They stood awkwardly for half a second longer, and then Cas stuck out his hand abruptly, his eyes moving down and away.Dean shook it hesitantly.Cas' skin was soft and warm and _wonderful_.

"Please, come in," Cas said, stepping aside."Charlie has decided that we need to go out for lunch, though, so we won't be-"

Something bright and heavy slammed into Dean's side, interrupting whatever Cas was saying, and Dean suddenly found himself with an armful of computer genius."Your highness!" Dean wheezed, aiming for a lighthearted joke and ending up more along the lines of an old man with an elephant sitting on his chest.

"You're _here!!!_ " Charlie squealed, squeezing him even tighter before releasing him.Her grin was wide enough to split her face in half.

"And now I'm starting to regret it," Dean joked, clutching at his bruised ribs."Jesus, Charlie, were you a linebacker in high school or what."

"You'll live, don't be a wuss," Charlie said dismissively."Wusses don't get to eat with us at the sushi bar with the hot waitress down the street."

"Does that mean that I am exempt from going, since you have already designated me as a wuss?" Cas asked in that gravely voice of his, which by the way was about fifty times more arousing in person than over the phone.

"Aw Cas, tired of me already?" Dean said, although he kept his tone free of the disappointment currently worming its way into his stomach.

The disappointment disappeared just as quickly as it had arrived when Cas flashed him a small but dazzling smile."Not at all," he said."I'm just tired of watching Charlie blatantly flirt with this hot waitress who has admitted to having a boyfriend."

Charlie leveled a glare at him."One, she said that she and her ex hook up a lot, but that she's not in a relationship right now.Two, she sometimes gets us free rounds of beer, so I don't see what the problem is."

"Free beer?I'm in," Dean said, clapping his hands decisively.

They left the house and walked at a leisurely pace down the street.Charlie kept up a constant chatter, admonishing Dean for never having visited before and talking about developments at work or her LARP game.Dean laughed at her obvious excitement and wrapped his arm around her shoulders to tease her.He'd never had a little sister, but if it was possible to choose your family, he'd definitely choose Charlie.

Cas didn't say much as they walked, but whenever he did speak it sent Dean's heart into a fit.

"So this is your car, I'm guessing?" Cas said, slowing in front of the Impala.

Dean straightened with a smile."Yup, that's my baby, isn't she beautiful?"

Cas raised an eyebrow."Wow Dean, I didn't realize, when should we expect the wedding invitation?"

Dean shoved his friend's shoulder as a smile broke out over Cas' face."Shut up, just because _you_ drive a pimp car doesn't mean that I can't take pride in the car that _I_ drive."

"A pimp car?" Cas said."I own the car, and I am in no way a pimp, so-"

"How am I supposed to know that when you're driving that monstrosity?"

Their banter continued as they walked, easing any of the awkwardness that they'd felt in the doorway.Their shoulders bumped together and their feet fell in step like they'd known each other their entire lives.Dean hadn't laughed so hard in a long, long time.

They stopped at the front of the restaurant, in the middle of a heated debate over whether Empire Strikes Back or Return of the Jedi was the better movie.Cas was trying to argue that Return of the Jedi provided closure and was therefore the best of the trilogy; Dean told him he was full of it.

"C'mon, man, 'I am you father,' that's the best line in the whole thing!" Dean said."Charlie, back me up here."

She didn't answer.Dean turned, frowning, and saw her all the way down the block, chatting with someone else entirely.

"Huh," he said sheepishly."I didn't notice her stopping."

"I didn't either," Cas said, frowning back at her."I think she's talking to the woman who lives in the house between us."

Dean rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled awkwardly."I guess we were a little distracted."

Cas met his laugh with a smile.Their eyes locked together, and Dean's heart stuttered again.He felt like he was drowning in the happiness in Cas' eyes, so clear when he could look at his face, watch the shift in his expression as they stared for just a little too long, past the line of normal and into the realm of-

"Thanks for waiting, assholes," Charlie said, interrupting whatever the hell this was as she ran up, panting.Cas broke his gaze away, to Dean's profound disappointment.

Disappointment turned to confusion as they sat down to lunch, and Cas stopped meeting his eyes at all.And when Cas suggested that they meet up with Charlie's friends and Cas' friends and doing anything and everything that meant they would never be alone together again, Dean felt the dizzy, floaty feeling spinning in his head deflate and sink into something resembling heartbreak.

Whatever chemistry he felt with Cas, it was clear that Cas didn't want him in the same way.

***

The music pounded in Cas' ears, making him wish he could put his hands over his ears to block it out.Charlie would glare at him if he did that, though, and besides it probably wouldn't do much good considering the amount of bass thudding through his body.The party had only barely started, guests still arriving every few minutes, and already Cas was calculating when was the earliest he could leave.

Making his calculation more difficult was Dean's imminent arrival.The past week had been the best week of Cas' life, just being near Dean, and he couldn't quite bring himself to stop hoarding their time together.He was already addicted to the sight of him, the sound of his voice, and the fluttering feeling in Cas' gut whenever Dean laughed.It didn't bode well for the next day when Dean left for parts unknown.

But worse was the knowledge that Dean didn't feel anything close to what Cas felt for him.

It had been nearly impossible over the week for Cas to remember the platonic nature of their relationship, not when Dean was so magnetic and _wonderful_.It couldn't have possibly been the same for Dean, not when he had a girlfriend waiting for him somewhere across the country.Cas couldn't help but resent a woman he had never met.

"Hey, Debbie Downer, stop moping and come join the fun," Charlie said, sidling up next to him with an extra drink in her hand.

He took the drink with a sigh and winced at the strength of it."I'm having fun," he protested.

Charlie opened her mouth to respond, probably to tell him that he was having the opposite of fun- true, but it wasn't like he was going to insult her party by telling the truth.He didn't hear her though, too distracted by the front door opening and Dean stepping inside with a smile.His heart practically stopped.

"Hey guys," Dean said, making a beeline for them."Nice party, Charlie, I like the um... decorations."He gestured at the walls, which were cluttered with movie posters, action figures, christmas lights, and what looked like old halloween decorations.Charlie beamed at the dubious compliment.

"Hello Dean," Cas said, and was treated to Dean's dazzling smile that both lifted Cas into pure happiness, and stung a little bit like heartbreak.

"So, now that you're here, the party can really start!" Charlie said, slapping Dean on the back."Grab something alcoholic, we're playing drinking games!"

Everyone in the vicinity groaned, but Charlie's enthusiasm was impossible to resist: soon they were all sitting in a circle with a round of shot glasses surrounding a bottle of whipped cream vodka like some bizarre ritual.

"Truth or Dare!" Charlie announced.

"That's not a drinking game," Dean muttered from next to Cas.Cas fought a smile when Charlie glared at him.

"We're making it a drinking game," she said firmly."Since I _know_ that certain people are going to try to get away with only ever picking Truth, we're going to make it so that every time you pick truth you have to take a shot."

The rules thus established, they began to play, resulting in a hilarious round of people choosing Dare and being forced into ridiculous stunts- Cas' favorite was when Charlie's friend Gilda dared Dean to recite the entirety of the speech from Braveheart while wearing a wig Charlie had found in her attic a few weeks prior.Apparently, Dean didn't care for the experience as much as everyone else did; the next time someone picked him as their victim, he took a shot for Truth.

"Truth, hmmm," Charlie said, pondering her question carefully.She'd already had quite a lot to drink even after choosing Dare several times.Her eyes were bright and her cheeks red as she lit on the perfect question."Are you currently in a relationship?"

For the amount of mischief in her eyes it was a fairly innocuous question; even so, Cas found his attention focusing entirely on Dean and the quirk of his eyebrow."Nope," Dean said."Not unless you count one night stands."He winked at Charlie flirtatiously, not noticing Cas' tumultuous reaction next to him.

Dean was single?He was _single?_ But that meant that-Maybe Dean really could-Cas couldn't wrap his head around it."You need to update your Facebook page," he muttered quietly.He couldn't even be sure that Dean heard him, but it didn't matter.Everything seemed so much brighter now, and Cas found himself leaning into Dean more and more, grinning at him and feeling lighter than he had in ages.

He caught Charlie looking at him and suddenly knew what she was planning.What was more, he welcomed it, with the alcohol spinning in his head and Dean's presence warm at his side.But as it turned out, he didn't even have to wait for the game to go back to Charlie's turn: Charlie's friend Becky was the one to give him the challenge.

"Cas, I dare you to kiss Dean," she said, in a tone that was closer to a squeal than anything else.

Cas' heart stopped.He looked over at Dean and found him staring, mouth slightly open and something hungry in his eyes.Cas swallowed and tried to pretend to be apologetic about this, when in reality the universe had narrowed to Cas, Dean, and the space between their lips.

He meant it to be chaste.He truly did.But as soon as their lips touched it was like the air was on fire all around them, burning down any inhibitions they'd had and pressing them closer and closer together.Dean's lips were warm and soft and _holy crap_ they just parted with a quiet sigh and Cas could feel the unique taste of him slipping into his mouth.He pushed closer, drawn to the wet warmth of Dean's mouth, the gentle swipe of his tongue and the scrape of his teeth against his lips.

When they parted, they were both panting.Everyone around them whooped and catcalled, but neither one of them looked away, transfixed by the kiss-bitten swell of each other's lips, the bright shine in their eyes.

The music started up again and the partygoers around them stood and began to dance, but still Dean and Cas watched each other in stunned silence.Finally, Dean cleared his throat and stood, holding out his hand to Cas."C'mon," he said, pulling Cas to his feet.There was barely any space between them as Cas straightened."Let's dance," Dean added, pulling Cas even closer with his hand around his waist and his breath hot in his ear.

They moved to the music, or maybe they moved to their own music made by the rough rhythm of their hearts pounding next to each other.Everything was hot and close and perfect, smothering them so that they couldn't breathe anything but each other.Cas' hand found its way up Dean's arm and around the back of his neck; the other slipped onto Dean's hip, finding the gap revealing just a sliver of skin and reveling in the heat of it.He couldn't bring himself to care that he'd loathed this music the first time he'd heard it; now all he wanted was for it to never end.

At some point Charlie interrupted their dance with another round of shots, and another, and another, until Cas had lost track of how much his dizziness was due to alcohol and how much was due to Dean's fingers tracing patterns at the nape of his neck.He mumbled an apology to Charlie and pulled Dean away, too drunk and wanting to resist him for much longer.The music pulsed all around them and pushed them flush against each other, sending sparks burning under Cas' skin and flashing in his eyes and threatening to kill him with happiness.

"We should..." he murmured, and somehow Dean heard him over the throbbing bass.

"Your place," Dean muttered into his temple, his breathing heavy and burning across Cas' skin.

"Charlie!" Cas called as Dean laced their fingers together and pulled him toward the door with a singular determination."We have to-I'll um, I'll see you tomorrow!"

Charlie laughed as he let himself be dragged out the door, and then he was in the crisp night air with Dean's arm wrapped around him and his lips grazing his jawline.Cas laughed and pulled away, this time leading Dean over the apparently endless distance between Charlie's house and Cas'.

The second the front door closed behind them, Dean's lips were on Cas', and his brain short-circuited.

"Dean-" he gasped and Dean shoved him against the door.Dean grinned smugly as he pushed forward to kiss him again, and that just wouldn't do.Cas pulled Dean closer, at the same time stepping so that Dean was the one with his back slamming against the door and his eyelids fluttering as Cas started work sucking and biting at his neck.The whimper that Dean let slip was enough to set fire to Cas' veins.

Dean yanked him back up for another bruising kiss, licking his way inside his mouth so enthusiastically it was almost painful.Cas pushed a thigh between Dean's legs and they both groaned at the resulting friction on their cocks.

"Bed, now," Dean ordered against Cas' mouth.

Cas shook his head as much as he could without breaking their kiss."Too far," he breathed, walking backwards and pulling Dean with him.He had to stop when the back of his knees hit the couch, but that was alright because it gave him the time to grab clumsily at Dean's shirt and pull it off as best he could.

Dean seemed to have the same idea, tugging at Cas' clothes until Cas was standing there in his briefs and Dean's fingernails were digging into the skin of his back.Cas fumbled with Dean's belt and pulled his pants down, nearly tripping on his own jeans pooled around his ankles as he pushed Dean over to the couch.He climbed onto Dean's lap and maneuvered him so that they were lying down on the smooth leather.He gasped at the feeling of skin against skin all down his chest.

"Fuck, underwear," he muttered, realizing they were both still clothed on the most important part of their anatomy.

Dean laughed, a sound so glorious that Cas couldn't help but kiss him again, pulling their bodies so close that they were practically occupying the same space, full nudity or not.

Dean's laughter turned into a gasp as Cas shifted above him, rubbing against his erection almost accidentally.Cas did again with intent, grinning when Dean made the sound once more and his fingers slipped along the skin of his back.

"Cas- _fuck_ , you need to- ahh," Dean mumbled, tracing a line of open mouth kisses along Cas' shoulder while trying to speak at the same time."Fuck me, please."

Cas pulled back from where he was artfully creating a hickey on Dean's neck where everyone would be able to see it."Are you sure?" he panted, so hard at just the thought of it that his hips moved without his permission to rub along Dean's thigh.

In answer, Dean leaned over, nearly knocking Cas off the couch, and pawed at his jeans until he emerged with his wallet held triumphantly aloft.With a sly grin at Cas he pulled out both a condom and a small packet of lube."Never know when I'm gonna need-" he began, but Cas swallowed his words with another devouring kiss before he could finish his sentence.

After a moment of deep, biting kisses Cas pulled back so he could pull his underwear off; Dean took advantage of the moment to do the same.Cas reached for the packet of lube but stopped as his eyes caught on the full, utterly _gorgeous_ length of Dean's body.He swallowed, his cock twitching in appreciation.

"What?" Dean said, shifting to rest on his elbows."Are you alright?We don't have to do this if you don't-"

Cas interrupted him again with a kiss, feeling like his heart was about to explode.He couldn't imagine what he had done to deserve this moment, with his best friend panting beneath him as he inserted first one, then two fingers inside of him.He watched Dean writhe under his ministrations with something like awe building in his chest- or maybe it was just love.

"Shit shit _shit_ ," Dean choked as he hit just the right spot.Cas grinned and brushed against his prostate again, staring at Dean's face hungrily."Cas- need you, Cas, c'mon-"

The breath hissed out from Cas' teeth, and suddenly he couldn't bear to be doing anything but fucking Dean _right fucking now_.He tore the condom package open and put it on, lining himself up to Dean's entrance with a tremor riding freely throughout his body.Dimly he wondered if he would have ever had the nerve to do this if he was sober; but then he was pushing forward into unbelievable tightness and he couldn't think much of anything anymore.

Dean grabbed at the back of his legs painfully, impatiently, which was good because a combination of alcohol and lust was making it very difficult for Cas to do this slowly.The look on Dean's face when he bottomed out made his head spin."God, Dean," he breathed.

Dean pulled his head close to give him a sloppy, tender kiss."I got you," he mumbled, and at that Cas began to fuck him in earnest.

It was sloppy and awkward, the alcohol loosening their limbs in ways that wasn't conducive to really athletic sex; more than once Cas slipped on the leather couch and Dean winced at the new angle, or Dean accidentally elbowed Cas as he tried to get into a better position.But even so, as Cas felt heat pulling at the base of his spine and threatening to white out his vision at any second, as he made a few feeble tugs at Dean's cock and felt come burst over his fist, as the clenching around his own cock dragged his orgasm out of him, he knew that this was the best sex he'd had in his entire life.

And as they fell asleep like that, naked, sweaty, and drunk with come drying on their stomachs and their arms wrapped around each other, Cas knew that this was the most meaningful sex he would ever have, with the most important person he would ever know.

***

The shrill beeping of Dean's alarm pulled him out of the comforting depths of sleep and into the painfully hungover light of morning.He fumbled for his phone without opening his eyes, but it wasn't within easy reach; with a quiet groan he opened one eye and pulled his jeans over to the couch, grabbed the phone, turned off the alarm, and closed his eyes again to enjoy some more peaceful sleep.

Except that now that he had moved, Cas' elbow was digging into his ribcage, and the discomfort woke him up fully.He squinted against the bright light of Cas' living room, feeling the post-party headache starting to form, as well as an ache in... other areas, reminding him that maybe getting fucked by his best friend while they were both totally wasted wasn't really the best idea.

He tilted his head to look at Cas, thinking that maybe he should wake him so they could both shower- maybe at the same time, even- but he stopped, staring.The light from the nearby window slanted so that it brushed along the top of his head, settling along his arms and his stomach and his legs where they were gently curled around Dean; in the soft morning sunlight, Cas' sleeping face almost seemed to glow.If Dean was an artist, he might have wanted to capture this moment, the long lines of Cas' body, the adorable wrinkle in his brow as he slept.Dean leaned forward to brush the curl of hair off his forehead, smiling at his best friend.It was the perfect moment, so perfect that he wanted to experience it again and again and again.His whole life, even.

Wait.

Dean froze, his hand still hovering inches away from Cas' face.Cas stirred a little, sighing in his sleep, and Dean's heart kicked into overdrive.Shit shit shit, what did he think he was doing?He couldn't wake up next to Cas for the rest of his life, that just wasn't in the goddamn cards: he was a drifter, always was and always would be, and Cas was- well, Cas was _Cas_.Cas was miles, lightyears above Dean, so much so that they were practically from different _universes_ , let alone worlds.He might wish he could spend the rest of his life with Cas, but someone like him barely deserved to talk to a guy like this.

The events of the night before flashed through Dean's mind- arriving at the party and seeing Cas there looking gorgeous and unattainable, getting drunker through the night as Cas sat next to him but never came close enough to touch, and then that _kiss_ that had blown all of Dean's preconceptions out of the water because _god_ Cas had tasted so good and he'd been so much more enthusiastic than Dean could ever resist, and then more drinking and dancing and drinking and _shit shit shit_ he should have known better, should have thought this through.

Because Cas was way too good for him, and he'd shown it too, always pulling away, never allowing them to get close the way that Dean craved.And then last night, those walls had come tumbling down, and for a few glorious hours Dean thought that it was because Cas really did want him, despite everything- but he didn't.He couldn't.It was just the alcohol, one stupid, drunken hook up that didn't mean anything and could never lead anywhere because it was just a mistake.A momentary lapse, here and gone so fast but leaving Dean's heart shattered in pieces on the floor.

Dean took a deep, ragged breath and gently extricated himself from Cas' arms.He gathered up and put on his clothes as quickly and quietly as he could, doing his best not to wake the man still asleep on the couch.He couldn't do this, couldn't be here when Cas woke up and realized what they had done under the influence of alcohol and Truth or Dare.He couldn't stay just to have Cas tell him it was all a mistake, that he didn't feel the deep, powerful hum in his heart every time they were near each other.Dean already knew that Cas didn't love him the way Dean loved Cas; but he couldn't stay here to hear it in Cas' own words.

As soon as he tugged on his shoes, he slipped out the front door and fled to his car.

***

The light hit Cas down the length of his body, warming him into wakefulness.He felt himself smiling before he even opened his eyes, stretching luxuriously and feeling the pull of every muscle he used last night here on the couch with Dean.

"'Morning," he mumbled.

No response.He opened his eyes with a slight frown.Nobody was lying next to him anymore, even though he had woken up several times in the night to find Dean's arms wrapped around him like an octopus; the whole living room was empty and eerily quiet.

"Dean?" he called softly, sitting up.The word didn't even echo around the room, just flew from his mouth and died on the way out.He leaned over and grabbed his jeans, realizing as he did so that only his clothes were strewn across the floor- Dean's were nowhere to be seen.

Maybe Dean was taking a shower.

He pulled his pants on and wandered through the house, calling Dean's name every so often and feeling his face pulling into a deeper and deeper frown.He checked both showers, all three bedrooms, the study, the kitchen, the closets, the garage- nothing.

As he looked out the window he saw it: the empty space where Dean had parked the Impala the night before.Dean was gone.

Cas staggered, barely finding a seat before he simply crashed to the ground.Dean was gone, leaving Cas behind like a trashy stranger he'd met at a bar.A one night stand.That's what that had been.A one night stand, and Cas was the clingy idiot who had thought that maybe it could be something more than what it was.His breath escaped him in something like a whine; he let his head fall forward into his hands and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes.

Maybe... maybe that wasn't what had happened.Dean was his friend, he wouldn't just use him and discard him like that.Maybe Dean had just wanted to get an early start this morning, and he hadn't wanted to wake Cas before he left.Maybe Dean would text him or call him from the road, letting him know where he was and what he was doing with his usual irreverent quips.Maybe Cas really did mean something to him, the way that Dean meant something to Cas.Maybe.

He waited for his phone to buzz with a new message for hours, for days, for weeks.The only person who texted him was Charlie; the only person who called was his mother.Nothing from Dean, nothing, nothing, nothing.

He was such an idiot.

***

"Dean!We got a customer!"

Dean closed the hood of the '99 Avalon he'd been tinkering with, sighing at Garth's enthusiasm with new customers.He'd probably scared away quite a few people, and it wasn't exactly like they could afford to loose customers.In the year since Dean had started working here, the garage had nearly gone belly up on at least three separate occasions- through no fault of Dean's of course, given his excellent skills at fixing up pieces of shit cars that found their way into his hands.

"Coming!" he called back, making his way through the maze of car parts on the floor to get to the main driveway.

He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the familiar pimp mobile with the even more familiar figure standing in front of it.

"Cas," he managed to squeak out.

Cas didn't even seem to be capable of that much.He stared at Dean with shock scrawled all over his face, shock and what looked like horror.His mouth opened and closed a few times, but nothing came out.

"My... car," Cas said finally.Even one year after Dean had seen or spoken to him, the sight of him was enough to send Dean's heart careening against his chest.Fuck.

"Right," Dean said pointlessly.He shook his head to clear it a little, bringing up his professionalism like a shield.No need to let this get personal."What seems to be the problem?"

As Cas stiltedly explained the way the brake seemed to be slipping every time he pressed on it, Dean felt his attention wandering to the light hitting Cas' face, the sound of his voice, the stupidly adorable way he wrinkled his nose when he admitted he knew nothing about cars.He yanked his focus back to the car when he realized that Cas had finished talking and was now looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to respond.

"Okay then," Dean said, looking down at the monstrosity of a car that Cas was still driving."I can definitely take a look, but it probably won't be ready until next week, since my shift is almost over and we're closed for the weekend."

Cas' face fell a little."Oh," he said."Alright.I'll leave it in your hands then."He turned to leave.

"Wait."

Cas paused, but Dean didn't know what to say, why he'd called him back like that.No need to let this get personal- but the words were falling out of his mouth before he could stop them."You wanna go grab some lunch?Catch up a little?"

Cas' mouth fell open again, but he closed it and gave Dean a smile.A small, tight smile, but a smile nonetheless."That sounds nice," he said.

"Great," Dean said."Lemme just clean up a bit and sign out, and then we can go."

He pretended he wasn't running away as he escaped into the back room.

He splashed water on his face, staring at himself in the grimy mirror.What the hell was he thinking?Sure, the reason he'd chosen Seattle of all places to settle down for good was because of the vague hope, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he might run into Cas one day if the stars aligned.And maybe seeing Cas again felt like the best thing that had ever happened to him since the night they slept together- but he couldn't do this, couldn't fall down this rabbit hole again.Cas didn't want him the way that he wanted Cas, and there wasn't much he could do to change that.

He took a deep breath, and another, and another.Maybe this wasn't the end of the world.He'd been friends with the guy for two years before that wonderful, disastrous night where they'd fucked; maybe they could forget about that one mistake and go back to the way things were before.Hell, it could be better than it was before, because they weren't limited to Skype chats and text messages.They could be real friends for once, and Dean could pretend that his heart wasn't bursting out of his chest every time that Cas smiled.

Cas was looking around the shop curiously when Dean strolled more confidently back over; he even smiled a little bit when he noticed Dean approach.

"How long have you been working here?" he asked as Dean led him out the front door and into the drizzly streets.

"A little over a year," Dean said.Cas raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"You've been living here for a year?" he asked.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly."Yeah," he mumbled."I got a lease in a shitty apartment and everything."

Cas' face was studiously blank as he turned his gaze down to the wet sidewalk beneath them."Me too," he murmured.

Dean stared at him."You live here now," he said."You moved here?Really?"

"I got into UW Medical School," Cas told him."I started classes about a month ago."

"So... eventually Seattle?" Dean said.He couldn't help grinning, and he felt elated when Cas smiled back at him.

"Exactly."

Dean looked away from Cas' smile before the staring got too awkward for both of them."So you finally got away from your family, huh?How did that go?"

They continued talking as they reached a nearby sandwich shop and took seats at a table inside.It was almost as if no time, no huge glaring mistakes, had passed- Cas was still his snarky, serious self, and he could still make Dean laugh at the most innocuous of statements.Dean could almost forget that this meeting should probably be really fucking awkward.

"Charlie comes to visit every so often," Cas told him as the waiter brought their check.He handed his credit card over before the waiter had even set it down, and before Dean could react beyond pulling out his wallet.Dean considered protesting, but there was a glint in Cas' eye that told him it would be a bad idea."She'll be happy to hear that you're up here too, although I can't guarantee that she won't punch you for not contacting her for over a year."

Dean swallowed."Yeah, I probably deserve that," he muttered, avoiding Cas' eyes.

Silence fell on them like a blanket, smothering out any ease they'd felt together in the past hour.The waiter brought back Cas' card and he signed it without looking up at Dean at all; they kept quiet as they left the restaurant and headed down the sidewalk.

"Can I give you a lift anywhere?" Dean asked, making a valiant effort to look at his former best friend.

Cas shifted and glanced down the street."It's alright, I don't live too far," he said.

"Cas, c'mon man, it's raining."

"Drizzling," Cas corrected wryly."And I doubt that getting wet will kill me."

Dean sighed."Look, it's not like it's any trouble, especially if you don't live very far-"

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

Dean gaped at him, his mouth half open with whatever he'd been about to say shriveling up on his tongue.Cas looked just as astonished as Dean felt, like the words had slipped out without his permission.He took a step away from Dean, embarrassment flooding his cheeks with heat.

"Um," Cas said."Forget it.I'll- I'll see you later, um-"

"Cas."

Cas swallowed, moving from side to side, his gaze flickering from the sky to the street to the sidewalk- pretty much everywhere but directly at Dean."Why didn't you wake me, Dean?" he asked again, his voice quiet and sad.Dean's heart broke a little at the sound.

"I-" Dean said, not really sure what he wanted to say.Sorry Cas, but I'm head over heels in love with you and I know you don't feel the same way so I ran because I'm a coward?The truth sounded so pathetic that he couldn't say it out loud."I just thought that...You're-I had to leave, that's all."

Cas nodded as if that was the answer he'd been expecting, and he turned to leave again.It felt like a dagger was slowly piercing Dean's chest as he let his best friend walk away.

"I didn't want to face you," Dean called.

Cas stopped, looking back at him with that damn puppy-dog frown of his.Dean sighed and ran his hand over his face."I didn't want to face you after...After what we did," he said.

"Because you were embarrassed to have slept with me," Cas guessed, peering at him.

"What?" Dean said, taken aback at that response."No- god no, I wasn't embarrassed, I was-I just-"He sighed in frustration, wondering how he could possibly say this without sounding like the biggest loser who ever existed."It's just that, you're _you_ and I'm me, you know?It's- it's _us_ , and I guess I... I guess I just freaked, I don't know."

Cas moved closer again, something unidentifiable flickering in his expression."Why did you freak?" he asked quietly."I don't understand."

Dean almost laughed at that.Of course Cas didn't understand.That was the whole problem."I freaked because I- because I wanted-"He stopped and took a deep breath."I left because I knew that you would never love me the way that I love you, and I just couldn't stay so that you could tell me that the best night of my life was just a mistake."

He looked down, unable to face Cas head on with this confession.He wouldn't be surprised if Cas just walked away without another word, leaving Dean to face a Cas-less life yet again.He wasn't really sure he could bear that.

The next thing he knew, Cas was crowding up against him and pushing him into a nearby wall."Cas, what-" he managed, before Cas was kissing the everliving shit out of him.

"Dean Winchester," Cas muttered between searing kisses that left Dean breathless."You are by far the most idiotic man I have ever met in my life."He bit Dean's lip hard enough to draw blood, and Dean was so confused but so, so on board with this right now.He actually whined a little when Cas pulled away, his eyes burning with something that made Dean's heart leap."I've been in love with you since the moment we met," Cas said, and moved in to kiss him again.

Well.That was- okay then.

Dean fisted the fabric of Cas' coat and pulled him in as close as two bodies could ever be to one another.

 


End file.
